It was over 20 years ago, but I remember the restless anxiety like it was yesterday. I sat back in our hand-me-down green recliner with my feet up and my pregnant belly weighing me down. Exhausted from unpacking boxes, these were the first minutes I’d had to sit down and rest since my husband had left the house to begin his new job that morning.
But even though my body begged to rest, my heart and mind were astir with doubt and anxiety.
Wasn’t there something I was supposed to be doing as the new minister’s wife?
What if I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing? What if I should be out meeting people, or at least on the phone introducing myself or maybe even organizing some sort of open house so folks could drop in and see what we had done with the gorgeous parsonage they’d supplied us?
My husband had just left for work an hour before and I was already wondering if I was doing the role of pastor’s wife right!
I heard Shaunti Feldhahn, a popular writer and speaker on all things gender related, say once that men have a common concern among them: that someone is going to notice that they don’t know what they’re doing and they’re not doing it right. Sure enough, I see how men could wonder that. Most men tie their identity tightly to their job performance after all.
But I believe many women harbour that same insecurity, whether it’s related to a job or task or more tied to our relationships.
We wonder am I “doing it right?” in the areas of
- mothering
- homemaking
- being a friend
- following Christ
- being a wife
- achieving our dreams
- engaging with or caring for our parents
- managing our time
- blogging
- you name it!
So beautiful, Kay! I can relate to the following: "And relationships, with all the evolving and growing and dying inherent to them, constantly force me to question if I'm playing the "right" role in them."
I have struggled with this a lot over the last year. And I've questioned myself over and over. My most recent prayers have been over whether I'm doing things "right" in my friendships. I believe that it's all running smoothly and then, out of nowhere, there seems to be friction. We so foolishly think that if we are both living Christian lifestyles that it's impossible to achieve any kind of discord. God and I have had a lot of heart to heart conversations over this lately and He is filling me with more joy than I've had in well over a year. I'm no longer concerned as to whether I'm doing it "right." I know that, as long as He and I are spending our time together first and foremost, that there isn't any way that I can do it "wrong." He will lead the way…and I will follow.
Thank you for your post!
Thanks so much for dropping by! I, too, have wrestled with some friendship situations this past year, so I hear your heart! And I'm encouraged (as sick as it may sound) to know that someone else has been seeking God on these issues. I pray you continue to find sweet fruit in your friendships! You may be interested in my e-book, Sit Under My Apple Tree…and We'll Talk About Friendship. It's available for free to subscribers, but also in the marketplace. Blessings!
So beautiful, Kay! I can relate to the following: "And relationships, with all the evolving and growing and dying inherent to them, constantly force me to question if I'm playing the "right" role in them."
I have struggled with this a lot over the last year. And I've questioned myself over and over. My most recent prayers have been over whether I'm doing things "right" in my friendships. I believe that it's all running smoothly and then, out of nowhere, there seems to be friction. We so foolishly think that if we are both living Christian lifestyles that it's impossible to achieve any kind of discord. God and I have had a lot of heart to heart conversations over this lately and He is filling me with more joy than I've had in well over a year. I'm no longer concerned as to whether I'm doing it "right." I know that, as long as He and I are spending our time together first and foremost, that there isn't any way that I can do it "wrong." He will lead the way…and I will follow.
Thank you for your post!
Thank you for the encouraging 'cup of coffee' this morning. I love the idea of 'feeling God's laughter' and 'swimming in his grace'.
I really enjoyed reading this…and i like every woman am always wondering if "i'm doing this right?" if I'm failing. I asked my 3 kids on our way to church last night if the day had been okay…it hadn't been a particular "fun" day…just a sunny wednesday and I had been more tired than usual….I was surprised by the answer.."Our days are always fun." they both concurred and that struck me a little strange. I really hadn't expected them to say that…its funny as a mother you think its all up to you but many times you realize it isn't…despite you and still because of you too things work out when you include God in the ride…it made me smile because so often we are so critical of ourselves…more than God would be…He knows we are dust. and that sometimes we take ourselves way to seriously. Thank you for the beautiful images of "just be-ing"
You are so right summer! I often think I am doing this whole mothering thing wrong but then my kids will say something sweet to encourage me and let me know I'm not a total failure.
Thank you Kay for this post it is another great one!
Thanks for that!
I've often thought that I make a terrible friend. I just don't think to do the things that I see other people doing to encourage their friends. You remind me that God made me the way I am…God gave me the friends I have…and if they are still friends then I must not be too terrible at it after all.
I so love those words of Paul to the gang at Corinth when he penned, 'we make it our goal to please Him.' That cuts right to the chase, frees us up from trying to figure out what everyone else espects, and lets us soar as we're authentically pursuing His call.
Love this! And I appreciate your words, Kay. Weekend blessings …